Disclaimer: Spoilers from the recent release of "Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life." Also, apologies in advance for certain parts in ALL CAPS and some profanity. I just have a lot of feelings and I’m sorry… Moving on

True life: I am a "Gilmore Girls" fan. When the series hit Netflix in October 2014, I binged it for a month straight. I binged it until 3AM, watching episodes until I couldn’t keep my eyes open or my phone from dropping on my face.

But I think that me starting to watch the show in my mid-20s skews my perception a bit. The show first premiered in October 2000. I was 8 (going on 9) at the time so nothing about the show seemed to appealing to me. I chose to watch “Charmed” instead on the WB. Other than a few after school reruns scattered throughout high school, I never fully got into it. So starting the show as a 23 year old meant my opinions would be different from my friends who did watch it while it was on the air.

The biggest example was that during my initial binge, I ended up being Team Logan. Despite the mistakes that they both made, I liked that Logan was her college/adult relationship. There was an understanding between them that they could have a real future with each other. Which is why I think Logan was dumb with his marriage ultimatum. Rory wanted to venture off and see the world, not be married and settled in San Francisco while he went to work for a start up. (Granted, maybe she did make the wrong choice then because start-ups might have seemed like a joke job in 2007 but we all know how they have turned out since).

So, here we are, 9 years later. Netflix has decided to give the Palladinos a chance to redeem their show (they left after season 6 due to contract disputes). Many people hated the seventh season. Fans felt the huge gaping hole that the Palladinos left behind. The Palladinos decided in production that they wouldn’t watch season 7. They were filled in on what happened in their absence, but for the most part season 7 is no longer a part of the GG canon. This is a big issue for me.

I understand that GG was the Palladinos’ baby. They wanted their final four words and their original ending. (I’ll get to the final four later on). But I think what bugged me the most in retconning the story was that they ruined Logan. In season 7, Logan grew up. Season 5 and 6 saw the billionaire bad boy who never saw consequences to his actions. Season 7 saw working Logan. A Logan who took a huge financial risk and had it fail. He was cut off from the family fortune. He had to rely on his personal creativity and his wit. When he proposed to Rory, he had a job secured in San Francisco. Post-graduation, Rory was unsure of what her job prospects were, but she was more excited to go into the “real world” since the majority of her life was led by meticulous planning. So she asked if they could do long distance again. Logan responded saying that he didn’t want to move backwards in their relationship so he left. It might have been difficult, but it was something that needed to happen and it closed the door on the Logan relationship.

You could imagine my confusion when I saw Logan as Rory’s main “love interest” in AYITL (quotes used very sarcastically there). I was also confused that Logan was in London working for his father (I’m supposing also in newspapers/publishing. Nothing of Logan’s job is made clear. All we know is that he’s still swimming in that Huntzberger dough). But the biggest chip in my shoulder about Logan is that despite him saying he didn’t want to backtrack, he and Rory are in another “no strings attached” type of relationship. Except they are not N’Sync because GUESS WHAT HE’S FUCKING ENGAGED TO A FRENCH HEIRESS. Rory also has a forgettable boyfriend, Paul, who she treats like shit for no reason.

My problems with the Logan relationship are mainly because of Rory. I will table my talk of Logan for now because I’m here to talk about THE WORST character on this damn show and she’s one of the freaking leads.

Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, aka Rory Gilmore. My, my, my, do I have some words for you…

AYITL starts off with Rory at age 32 (the age Lorelai was at the beginning of the original series. What a coincidence…). She decided to give up her apartment in Brooklyn and live a wandering lifestyle. She packs up her boxes and splits them up between Lorelai, Lane, Emily, Paris, and Logan. Interesting, but also stupid because she didn’t label her boxes so she doesn’t know where her underwear is. She has written an amazing piece for “The New Yorker” about Naomi Shropshire, a hellion of a woman to keep up with. (I’m glad we wrapped that storyline up by episode 2 because I hated her. On the bright side, we got a cameo from GG superfan Jason Mantzoukas. RAFI BOMB!). Other than that, she doesn’t have any stable job. She has “many irons in the fire.” She has a website named Sandee Says begging her to work for them, however Rory doesn’t like their style and thinks she’s too good for them. She has a meeting with Conde Nast that seems to be perpetually postponed.

Rory is 32, with “no job, no credit, no underwear.” She seeks pity from anyone and everyone even though she denies that “she’s back” living at home. I understand that the Palladinos wanted to go and talk about a millennial story. However, I don’t believe Rory was the right character for this. It’s hard to have pity for this “lost soul” when Rory is Yale-educated, has money (from her mom, her dad, her grandmother, and essentially her sugar daddy Logan), and is well-travelled. Her life has always been a life of privilege no matter how much she wants to deny it. Everyone in Stars Hollow treats her like a goddamn princess. For example, during her first breakup with Dean, everyone sided with her and ostracized Dean (granted Dean was a bitch for breaking up with her because she didn’t say I love you back). But Rory did not come to his defense and correct anyone. The town also ostracized Jess many times (sometimes he deserved it, sometimes he didn’t.) The point is Rory was never in the wrong in her eyes. Even when she had an affair with Dean, she refused to believe she was wrong because he was her boyfriend first. Her solution to that was not talking to her mother and running away on a European vacation with Emily. Dean ended up divorced, they tried to date again, and then Dean left to fight demons and shit on "Supernatural."  Honestly, one of my favorite storylines of Rory’s was from season 7 in which she did not get a fellowship she wanted from the New York Times. That experience showed her a sense of humility. But nope, that season is void so Rory is still as privileged as ever at 32 years old.

It’s hard to believe that in 9 years Rory has not grown up. She hasn’t let go of her college boyfriend. She still has no problem with “no strings” relationships and no problem with being a sidepiece. If she really was “struggling,” she wouldn’t be able to afford jetting back and forth to London all the time (though I assume it’s Logan paying for the trips given their arrangement and him always sending a car for her for expensive dinners every night). She’s still stringing guys along (what she’s doing to Paul is similar to what she did to Dean with Jess, except Dean is not forgettable. #teamearlyDean #fuckseason4and5dean).  She still believes she’s God’s gift to journalism, given how she thinks the Conde Nast and Sandee Says jobs were hers on a silver platter and getting pissed when they don’t take her. When trying to tell her mom about her book about their mother/daughter relationship, she says “I need this. Without this it’s grad school or groveling for jobs I don’t want.” But for someone who hasn’t seemed to earn anything in her life, why are these such bad pathways? Growing up means sacrifice and earning your place at the table. Maybe you don’t get to always do what you want right away, but sometimes doing something different opens your eyes to a new and better opportunity.

It pains me to see Rory make the same stupid ass mistakes that she did when she was younger. I am adding her to list of fictional characters I either want to slap or shake into common sense. On a side note, DOES SHE SMELL LIKE MEAT? How is it that every guy she meets falls head over heels for her. She’s ultimately not that interesting. Once you blow past the pop culture references Rory doesn’t have much depth. Also, how is it that every guy is STILL IN LOVE WITH HER? Marty, her friend in season 5 who reappeared in season 7 like a creep. Dean, who she ended up having an affair with. Jess, who still isn’t over her even though they haven’t been together for years. And lastly, Logan. Oh my god, you’re engaged. You made the decision to follow the family dynasty. If you really wanted to be with Rory, THEN FUCKING BE 100% WITH RORY. They’ve already approved of her now. GAHD.

Moving on to the final four words. The big reveal? Rory is pregnant presumably with Logan’s child. But she probably won’t tell him since he is engaged and he has family duties. This was foreshadowed in her conversation with her father, Christopher. It feels like Rory is leaning to raising the child alone. However, we know the can of worms that will come either way if she tells Logan or not. Here are my possible outcomes:

1. She tells Logan. He dumps Odette, the French heiress, marries Rory, they have a real relationship and family. However, Odette wants revenge and brings down the entire Huntzberger family. All hell breaks loose.

2. She tells Logan. He chooses to stay with Odette because of his family responsibilities. Rory cuts her child off from Logan entirely, as him having an illegitimate child would put a mark on the Huntzberger name. A Huntzberger rival finds out about the kid and all hell breaks loose.

3. She doesn’t tell Logan. Luke and Lorelai raise the kid as their own (forgoing the surrogacy storyline). Rory works on her book and it becomes a best-seller. The kid finds out the lie that their sister is actually his/her mom and searches for his/her father. All hell breaks loose.

4. She doesn’t tell Logan. She raises the kid in Stars Hollow with the family. Jess is still in love with her, they end up together. Then Logan will pop up after his divorce from the French heiress and all hell breaks loose.

Do you see a pattern here? Rory’s pregnancy was the ending Amy Sherman-Palladino wanted in the original series. If it happened to Rory at the age of 23, then yes, I understand how poignant it would have been then. But at 32, it is way different. Rory is no longer a wide-eyed ingenue. She is 32 and she needs to own up to herself.

Also, I don’t want to buy into the theory that Logan is Rory’s Christopher and Jess is her Luke and everything is full circle. Have we not seen that Lorelai’s relationships throughout the course of the original series were a clusterfuck as well? These are lessons that she shouldn’t be taking from her mother. Come on…

Wrapping everything up, I do say I enjoyed parts of AYITL. I loved the indulgence of “Stars Hollow the Musical!” (Hello to the best divorced friends ever Sutton Foster and Christian Borle!) I enjoyed Emily and Lorelai. They are finally in a place of peace with one another. They also have grown. Emily into an independent woman now that Richard has passed (R.I.P Ed Hermann) and Lorelai finally realizing how demanding she is but also how much she loves Luke and communicating that she wants to be married. I did not enjoy that Rory has somehow lived in a vacuum for 9 years and did not find any growth at all.

If we get another season, my hope is that Rory grows the fuck up. She’s going to be a mother now dammit.

Images courtesy of Netflix and whoever created the original Jackie Chan meme.